I refer to it as “Dead Lock”, because it’s trying to get in to a really morbid, yet realistic state of mind to write in the first person from a person surviving such a horrible event.
For my protagonist, I am using a man who I need to wreak the emotions of one of the lost. Of heartache, survival, hope, and despair. Of a man who should be broken, shivering in a hole somewhere hiding, but who instead stands up and moves forward with his life, performing his part in the play of human survival.
Where can I get this? Sure, I can reach inside my logical mind, and tie emotions in to what unemotionally needs to happen in order to survive, but that would bring a character to light that you can find in almost every action movie there is out there.
I need to bring emotions in to the mix. There needs to be a certain illogical level to decisions made. Derived only from emotions, the character needs to move in directions based off of that. It should be interesting.
Today, as I was eating my lunch, perusing the grand ol’ innerwebs, I think I found it:
A comedian, talking about something so sobering, and so realistic, yet pushing through what he did best, although completely opposing emotions, to pay the bills, to get what needs to be done, done.
It was amazing. I sat in awe of this mans willingness to get up there, and really display himself. To tell people what “Reality” is, and how to respond to it.
Do I want to put myself in this mindset in order to write a story? We’ll see.